To The Woman Who Almost Ran Me Over Today….

Dear Woman who shouted to me on the street, “STOP RUNNING IN THE F*CKING ROAD YOU SKINNY BITCH!”:

I just wanted to take a moment and discuss our encounter, as in the 2.5 seconds you almost ran me over and proceeded to shout at me while driving away, it didn’t really leave a lot of room to flesh out what I see as a “teachable moment”.

I guess I should really be the one to apologize first, as I wasn’t aware that the strip of Hemenway Street between Symphony and Gainsborough was a 60 mph zone. Forgive me, because clearly in my 10+ years of running I should have expected your car to come barraging at me while I was already half way across the street en route towards the Fens. Do you always shout like that to random people you almost kill on the street in front of your five year old son? If we are so lucky to encounter one another in the near future, I just might let you hit me so I can sue. We do live in America and I could surely use the money to put towards tuition….or completing physical therapy from said accident in the South of France.

So, what have we learned today? Let’s recap: Next time you’re driving in a residential area, try not to go 50 mph. Moreover, shouting using such diction is not only inappropriate for your child’s ears, but creates the appearance that you come from the hood and are unemployed, a stereotype that no one wants. If your car doesn’t have appropriate brakes maybe think about taking advantage of the “Cash for Clunkers” program, because judging by the looks of it, your vehicle certainly qualifies.

In all, I hope that you receive the same courtesy that you gave me next time you’re on a run. Oh wait, that probably won’t happen because judging by how much of your diameter took up the driver seat and the empty bucket of KFC on the passenger’s side, running doesn’t seem like your kind of activity. That’s okay, I won’t judge, but thank you for assisting in America’s growing obesity problem and FYI, exercise is a great way to release inner tension and work out anger issues, both of which you are clearly plagued with.

xoxo

Skinny-Bitch-Who-Has-Photographic-Memory-And-Memorized-Your-License-Plate-Number